Yes, still hate it and
fear it just equally the same. It's Friday afternoon and I can slowly start to relax
now knowing it's about weekend and noone should call me any more, at least
regarding job, of course. At least not before next Monday. I did lots of work
and lots of phone calls etc again today so now I can switch it off at
least for another two days.
Ever since last Monday
morning, every single day of this week I've been constantly receiving calls
from my collegues, our partners and so on... My reaction on Monday was right even
thought provoked by stress. It's obvious I need some rest and that's why
holidays are for. (But not mine!) However, wonting or not, I had to check that
mobile every day. You can fight it as much as you wish but there's no way out,
baby. Unless you wave goodbye for good. Which I consider of doing. I can not
take it any more. And regarding that mobile phone on my so called holidays it's
just like a ticking time bomb for me. Sooner or later I'll explode into pieces.
I wish to know how to prevent that but there is no prevention only straight
solution which is to quit.
Just remember about my
last week before my so called holidays, especially that particular day I was
feeling depressed, couldn't make it even to the hairdresser and so on... Now I
understand it wasn't me being just depressed or lazy. It was me being completely
exhausted and worn out, unabile to function at all. So, there's nothing about
being lazy, but a lot about depression coused by stress and over work, and all
sorts of things going on in line with all that. Somehow, you complitely lose
yourself and let be carried by the neverending wild race, you forget your own
self as you have no time left to remember any more. You are like a humster running
in one place and you are just spinning around like crazy. And after years of
running in that wishes circle you finally collaps and realise it was all
nonsense.
