Why Do I Fear Holidays?

As I’ve already said I fear my holidays. It is a very, very stressful time for me. Instead switching off I have to plug in and pull it much harder than during my normal working days. When on holidays we should not be disturbed, of course, but we’ve been told we have to keep our work mobile phone on all the time “just in case”! Mine rings all the time! Today, Monday, was my first official day off. I’ve been feeling on the edge already for some time and asked everyone please not to call me while I’m off. But at about 11:00 am I checked my mobile (“just in case”) and (surprise, surprise!) found 2 missed calls. I snapped in one single instant! The stress level immediately overwhelmed my whole mind, body and spirit! I was lost in anger and frustration! Still could not believe it is really and actually happening the very first day of my long waited summer break. (By the way, I already sacrifice most of it by obeying internal rule to take time off when they tell me which could be August only or to be precise from the end of July to the 1st of September and it has to be 3 weeks in a row! This is the very last version when and how I would plan my holidays! But I've made the peace with it, after working there for 4 years. ("These two shall pass"...)) So, of course, to avoid further problems I called back my colleague at work. When she explained to me what it was all about more or less the way she sees it I immediately understood it was time to sit down, switch on internet, get pen and paper ready, load my mobile, call at least 10 people here and there and try to figure out what it was all about really then call the office back and explain them what to do. In my case it’s always step by step process. And concentrate. Get focused. Get absorbed and sucked in. Completely, definitely and absolutely. All that passed through my head while talking to her and there I was shouting (poor her!) to leave me alone, to tell everyone to leave me alone, as I have no intention to start working now for most of the day, I’m on my holiday, for God’s sake, I can’t take it any more and you know what try to sort it out yourself and if you can’t I don’t care and if my boss wants to sack me because of this he is just bloody welcome. Good Bye. And I switched that mobile off.

The rest of the day was already ruined. I'm still stressed and can't shake it off.

Music helps. (Thank you, Van!)

Holidays

Yes, my summer break has started. Saturday night I arrived home on (my) remote island where I plan to stay for full two weeks at least (I’m off for 3!), if not for some more.  It was a long travelling day that started at noon (by taxi). Airport was rather crowded and my plane rescheduled for 55 minutes of delay, bus from airport stuck in traffic, ferry delayed for ½ hours... when finally arrived  home it was already 21.30 pm.

Well, I guess Sundays have that strange twisted frequency everywhere, islands included. At least it hits me every time, any place. It’s Sunday and you feel it. All of a sudden, for no reason whatsoever, I feel stuck, down and blocked totally. Lost in space. Hm... it must be Sunday again...

At the end, spent whole day with my parents. And it was lovely.

Apricot, Blackberry & Vanilla Soap

Did not have much time to post photos of my last (apricot, blackberry and vanilla) soap, so it’ll be about time to do it, finally...

I’m a bit surprised by the colour of both apricot and blackberry, but I am pleased with the final result, however.

Inspiration

My day at work yesterday was sooooo very depressing... I work for one private company run by a married couple. He is a real gentleman and a real leader. She is a bitch, life and energy sucking creature everyone should avoid, including him. She is The Beast, as my favourite blogger A Mouse in France would call her. I would like to call her that, too. (Thank you, Mouse!) She is just The perfect Beast. Oh, yes, indeed she is. However, the point is that they are both away for their summer break. And even knowing they are far, far away my dominating feeling at work was depression in all it’s glory. So many questions popped up. Just to tease and annoy me. But I need some kind of reminder from time to time: I am lazy and easily fall into everyday nonsense. (Who would tell!?!) And, yes, I need some wake up calls.

The irony here is that I, too, will be off on my summer break in 2 days time. I fear it. (I’ll explain all about it some other time!)

So, at work I felt both depressed as well as exhausted. I couldn’t wait to get back home. As the matter of fact I’ve already had a booked appointment at hairdresser at 5 pm. (I work till 4 pm, which is always more 5pm than 4 pm, but these are modern times and this is another topic anyway. Another story to postpone for another time. ) I went there and it was so crowded. And I was so tired. So I walked away without stopping in. Then I thought I should do something about my walking away so I called them from my cell phone and made a new appointment later on at 7.30pm. Then, finally at home, I felt asleep immediately. Out of plan. When I woke up it was already 6 pm and I was feeling more tired than before. When finally reached to hairdresser the shop was empty. But someone without appointment whom they know well entered after me. At this point, of course, they kept me waiting. I was already pissed off. Wanted to walk away but was so much aware I was not capable of doing my hair on my own. No, not this time. I was just way too tired. So I waited. When it finally was over I was really pleased with the results. At least it was worth waiting. But I leave them no tip this time. (Well done, me!)

When got back home (within less than 5 minutes, anyway!) I noticed I was still both tired and depressed. I really wanted to change my mood. But how? For the beginning I put Napoleon Hill recording on and all of a sudden my attitude started changing... My Spirit started to wake up to his inspiring words and there I was finding myself making a case for my new camera. Back in that shop the other day they didn’t have any appropriate one so I bought none. But the inspirational voice of Napoleon Hill made me rise and make it all by myself. I stitched everything by hands because I felt so lazy to open up and unfold my sowing machine that is still locked there in the box ever since I’ve moved in.

At the end I was so pleased with unplanned, quick done and useful thing I’ve created in one inspirational moment. The result filled me with great joy.

In addition to it, while making it, got so many new ideas that I have to try out! Can’t wait. Even made some moon’s photos at the same time. Love it.

Inspiration.
It made my day.  

Soap

It’s been for quite some time I think of making some more soap! I’ve been thinking of some juicy soap with summer fruits available at the moment, so I bought me apricots and some blackberries from local farmers on the market yesterday morning. But, then, I got a phone call from a friend who invited me for a late lunch so I went out instead. It was a lovely afternoon & evening and food was delicious! Weather, too. It was cool and cloudy and I could breathe freely without sweating under that terrible summer heat! Even though I come from a sunny and warm Mediterranean island I have to say: I’m sorry but I am not a Summer person at all! Not at all!!! (Not-at-all!)  

I’ve made my very first soap in the afternoon on 03.03.2012. It was a pure experiment that came out just great!!! I was so happy! I thought I would make it just natural without any scents whatsoever, just natural things, pure and simple, if we exclude lye, of course... So I used lemon and rosemary from my mother’s island garden and the smell was like Heaven itself! Unfortunately, after 4 weeks of curing all that Mediterranean perfume evaporated but that beautiful soap was still there, anyway!

Some weeks after my lemon & rosemary soap I made another one: chocolate, strawberry and vanilla!!! That was an adventure, really! Again: no colours, no scents, just pure olive oil (olive oil I use comes from the island, too, and is made by my parents!!!), dark chocolate, fresh strawberries, some vanilla beans...

After that I’ve done some more soaps using apple, ginger, cinnamon, bananas... I’ve been giving my soaps away as gifts to my parents and my nieces and some really close friends of mine. To my surprise they are all so delighted with them! I’m so happy because of that! So, so happy!

From my first (burning!) desire to make soap till the first time of actual making almost entire year has passed in between! First of all I didn’t have anyone to show me how to do it, I did not have any idea of how to make it, no shops around with such theme and not to mention the rest like, for instance, people telling me I was silly having such ideas and so on, and so on...

But, lucky me, there was internet! Thanks God! There I found it all: ingredients, right quantity measures of oils, water and lye, there I watched people making soaps... And so I could finally start experimenting! My favourite soapmaker of all I’ve found on internet is Amy from GreatCakeSoapworks. I’ve found her accidentally but never stopped following ever since! Thank you Amy! I love your work and your beautiful soaps! Thank you so much!  

And, yes, today I’ve finally made my new soap using apricots and blackberries, it got a little bit messy but I did it. I can’t wait to check how it looks like!

Alice in Wonderland

I really, really like my new apartment! I love it! It is the perfect picture of what I’ve always imagined. It’s so amazing! I’m so grateful for such manifestation in my life. I’m truly, truly grateful! I’m especially grateful for the spare room I have now and always longed for and which is as big as the whole apartment itself! Funny that I’ve noticed it all only after moving in!!! It’s spacious attic, clean, light and huge!

There are also some spare furniture that I can use there too, such as cupboards, tables and chairs, sofas and a couch as well. All in perfect, tidy and clean conditions! I am a crafty girl; I am Alice and that attic is my Wonderland! Now I have place and space to put my imagination on display! To spread it all over the place and than to enjoy creative chaos and let it to grow freely and continuously! And newer to tidy up afterwards! Now I have the place for all my “toys”: my sowing machine, my fabrics, my wools, my knitting needles, sowing needles,  my paintings, my paint brushes, my colours, my craft books, my soaps, all the gadgets that go with it all...Oh my, oh my...

I even have the space for the gym corner! Actually this evening I spent ½ hours on the excercise bike, did some stretching and other exercises I felt like doing after a long, long time, and all that helped with music I’ve found on the radio that matched just perfect! The view from the tiny little attic window felt like magic, too. Cathedral lights so bright under the night sky...

The whole weekend to enjoy now! I’m so happy!

Happy Birthday, Vanessa!

My friend S. has always cultivated image of herself as someone's wife and someone's mother despite being single most of her life. Till age of 43, actually. Or, precisely, a bit more than a year ago. And than The Magic happened: she met a wonderful Italian man and gave a birth to a wonderful baby girl they've decided to call Vanessa.

Vanessa is one year old today.

Happy birthday, little Vanessa. Have a wonderful & joyful life!   

Morning Glory

I woke up this morning at 5:30 am feeling surprisingly  good and energized. Outside the sun was already shining bright and I had to get up to close the window shades to block the heat entering my apartment that is already overheated due to all that heating that's been going on for more than a month by now.

Than I put my morning coffee on (that is so delicious every morning!). While doing all those things I also noticed that not only I felt so refreshed and good (despite it was only 5.30 am), but that my body was light, firm and slim. And I loved it. I was really puzzled by such beautiful surprise as last night I over tortured my body loading it with all that unnecessary foods and liquids: had my  dinner late (10 pm), washed it all down with a beer, got lost in magic of ice cream at around 11 pm, feeling guilty all the time thinking of waking up fat, but could not resist such bittersweet temptations... So, when I actually woke up slim I couldn't stop wondering why is that all of a sudden, when, ever since this heat exploded I'm used to waking up tired with my whole body swollen to pain?

Since I was already up I thought I'd better go to buy me some fresh tomatoes, onions and such before the heat becomes unbearable and before the crowd rush to the market at the same time. So at about 7:30 am, when most of the people where still asleep this lazy Sunday morning, and streets still empty and quite,  I was out and there I immediately understood it all: inside my apartment it all looked the same as every day (like another warm summer day!), but outside the morning was rather cool and almost chilly, windy and so fresh! OMG! The screen on the local pharmacy across the street proved it all telling me it was 21ᵒC and I immediately understood why my body was so fit and firm and light! It is directly bond with Mother Nature. It flows with  and responds to its energies. And, of course, it's not only me. It's all of us. All-of-us! When I understood what was going on I felt connected again, and the moment was so powerful. I sent my silent thanks to the Universe and I heard it respond “it is my pleasure“, and I thought life is beautiful and grand. Than I took off to the market enjoying cool, fresh air and empty silent streets of the city centre. And felt joyfully lost in the unexpected and miraculous, indescribably beautiful Morning Glory.

Magic

Yesterday was such a lovely day at work! All those problems from the other day were magically solved easily and smoothly. I wont to express my deepest gratitude to my Higher Self and to the Universe (which is just  the same force, by the way) for the help, support and the protection that is so, so powerful! Last week, when I faced the unexpected and complicated situation at work at first I felt horrified. But than quickly I accepted it and embraced it. Than I silently asked for help. Then I released it and I let it go. I knew the Magic will follow. I just didn't expected it so soon. So much even better! I'm so happy! Life is simple and joyful. All we have to do is to stay connected.  

Summer to drink

I came back home from work drained as usual. I can not bear hot. I never could. It makes me feel swollen and heavy and tired and uncapable of functioning. When I'm tired I'm irritated, and when I'm irritated I'm irritating. So I have to put much attention on my reactions  all the time. It's so tiring! The best would be to keep away from people completely. Until Autumn, whatsoever. But no! I have to work in the place where the air conditioner is off and to deal with all sorts of people all day long. It's so hard for me. Real suffering. I have no idea how do I make it through every day in there? Really!? At work, under such conditions especially, I feel like a Zombie all the time. And I guess I look like one, too.

 When finaly make it back home after work I felt hungry but couldn't figure out what would I really like to eat... I checked my fridge and found some fruits that should be finished soon, anyway. I mixed it all up together in my blender and there I got delicious dinner to drink!...

Tesla – the man who lit the world

Let me be very short on this occasion  therefore let me just  quote Bernard Arthur Behrend (1875-1932):  „God said 'Let Tesla be' and all was light“.

Sunday Evening

I should be preparing for Monday, already. But I don't wont to.

Instead I watch Marcel Messing on YouTube.

Weekend was suffocating- hot therefore I stayed in most of the time. I just shopped for some fresh fruits very early in the morning on the nearby grocery market.

I do my best to adjust  with the changes of this tortured Planet of ours, so to put up with such heat I consume lots of liquids. I only wish it could be like that all the time. Hot or cold. But my mother tought me to eat all the time eaven when I'm not hungry. I've been hated it all of my life. I have lots of work ahead to undo that pattern and to clear so many other things about it! I would love to be able to control it but I'm so powerless over it. Especially when I'm under stress, eaven if it is stress coused by the simple fact that it is Sunday Evening, I can not control it. And, before I know it, I found myself in the open fridge...That's why I make sure that my food is fruits and vegatables, mostly. I took an apple but felt lazy to eat it. I've choosen drinking it instead. I mixed it with water, one lemon and some ginger. So refreshing!

Saturday, again!

It was such a tough week at work! Really, really, really tough! I feel drained. (Not to mention tropical heat outside. And inside, as well!) So many problems created by the third parts due to their lack of concentration that begin months ago. I was not aware and all those seem impossible to solve now.  Simply too late. All the problems piled up together at the same time at the same place: right there in front of me! I'm so unpleasantly surprised with the whole thing. They've screwed things up and I have to figure out how to put trough absolutely unsolvable situation?  I really wonder how this has happened and why? I try not to get upset so much therefore my only mantra is „This 2 shall pass“... I'll leave work problems to next week(s) when they have to be discussed and shaken up and down... In the meantime I move into Now to enjoy weekend. Thanks God it's Saturday again!

Relax...